My prayers to God

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 02:05:26 GMT

Thank you for providing for me. I know that without you in my life, I would be nowhere with nothing. Thank you for always taking care of me and protecting. Thank you for valuing my life when it is of no value.

Lord, I pray for my family. There is so much pain and hurt swirling there, it sometimes hurts to go home. Lord, I know you can heal anything. You can patch any wound. You are the great physician and I pray that you heal my family. Use me in your healing process, Lord. Let me the scalpel you use, the tool to help get rid of the pain. I love my family, and I wish there would be peace.

Thank you again for the people you have brought into my life this semester. The transition into college was a blessing and a smooth one. YOu gave me help from places, I never could have imagined. Thank you for opening my eyes to so many different parts of your body. I am learning that you work in strange ways in different ways in different people. What is good for me may not be good for others but you know what you are doing and you love each of us for our different ways.

Lord, I pray for Colleen. She has so much energy that can be used for you. She's a beautiful and energetic and incredible person. Help me to have patience with her. Help me to understand and be sympthetic to her needs. Give me the words to say to give her comfort in her tough moments. Lord, help me to be an example of you and your love for her.

Be with Leah in her time of pain. She is dying, killing herself. I pray that, as Brittany says, you breathe life into her. Break her will and and bend her towards you. Be with her and her family. Let them know you are still there taking care of her. You've already saved her soul, now save her life Father.

You are all powerful and I thank you and praise you for it. God, help me to know your will in my life. Help me to find fulfillment in you and nothing/no one else. I love you and I want nothing but your plans for my life. Thnk you for everything you have and are doing in my life. I love you.

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 04:07:45 GMT

I'm having problems knowing your will for me. I know, I know...Actually I don't. Is biology what I'm supposed to be doing? Should I go back to foley, nursing? What? I've always been the one who had teh plan. WHo knew exactly what I wanted to do and be. But really I have no idea. Actually thats not true either. I've have always ad a plan and Known exactly what I want to do. The prolem is that I don't know if that's what you want me to do. Should I just keep going forward until you close the dor. Is that how I'm supoosed to live my life? Just keep walking forward, not knowing if this is the right direction, and hope to God(teehee) that its the right way. Will you change the path my feet are going in? Will you let me know that you've done it? I would like a little light shed on the situation. I sound angry. And lets be honest, I am. Am Ieven allowed to be angry with you? I don't know but I'm going to be, at the very least, annoyed. So yes God, here I am, I'm not going to rebel or give you the silent treatment or anything silly like that. But I think I am going to be a little angry. But a just a little. And silly.

Help my mother. You seem to be able to lead other people so show her the path you want her to take. Give her the courage to step out in faith. Courage that I don't currently have.

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 02:35:20 GMT

So tomorrow classes start. I'm not that worried. You given me a great gift of intelligence. WHat I don't have is endurance...thats not the right word. I like to procastinate and I can't do that anymore. I can't. Help me to not do that. I need to work hard. I need to focus. On you and on school. There are so many potential distractions but you've already given me so many great people to support me. Thank you for everything. Hlp me make friends. I'm terribly sh. But help me to make wise judgements n the company I keep. I feel like everyone's lives have started but that mine is paused.
I want to starrtjust letting you know what I think, feel, believe. I know that you are omnipotent but it helps. I feel soterribly "conformist" by doing this but I think its important. My love life lord. I feel unlovable. Like no one could, r will ever love me. I know that i have many people around me who love me but are there people are me who find me attractive? Because I don't feel atractive. I feel like a leper. I know....I don't really know. I hope that you have someone planned for me. But I don't really believe it. My biggest fear are the plans that you might hold for me. I desire a family and love and sex. And I'm so afraid that you don't have those things in my future. I say that I know you have a the perfect man but I don't know. I just desire. I'm not even certain that I believe it.
I need assurance. You give it to others. But not to me. Let me see it. Maybe you are but I refuse to see it. make me see it. Make me believe it.

I love you. Show me love.

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 05:24:04 GMT

So I am here. And i AM FREAking out a bit. but i assume...i trust it wil be ok. I can only believe right. I dont' know ow anything works and I don't have a job or any source of income but it will be okay. I know. Thank tyoyu for giving me this oppurtunity. Without you, i would be nothing. I know I am not always around or listening but a i do wnat tobe. i desire closenes to you even if i get distracted somtimes...all the time. be with me this next year...i know you are with me alwys but keep special watch over me. There are lots of things to distract and i don;t really want them to distract me. help to get along with my roommate. even if i don't necessarily like her, help me to keep peace with her. this room is small and i want to live in a caml environment. I love you.

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 04:13:50 GMT

So I leave in less than two weeks. I don't feel like this is enough time to get things down that I really want to get done. I HAD ALL of this time but now those months are gone and I don't know where they went. Everything seems to have happened in a ush. LIke I ha dall of this things that happened just a few eeks ago and I wish I had a few more weeks to expand on them and make them more realin my world. I'd like to get to know rista and Nicole better. The world they live in is a world I like. ANd all those boys that I've known forever, especially Caleb. I've just started getting to know everyone and now I'm leaving. The good news is that they arepart of my family now. My new extened family that I love.

Th reality that is college has not hit me yet. I feel like I should be more worried but I'm not. Even though I'm not entirely certain that I still have housing and I don't have a job going in. And I have no idea what to do about my car. I am only excited. I look forward to the adventure. ANd I know you will take care of me. That what you want for me is what will ahppen. You will take cae of me and that is all I can realy rely on. thank you.

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 07:23:59 GMT

I think I have lice. Please make it go away. I woke up at two in the morning because my head itched so bad. I ahte things like this. You should destroy things like lice. Yes I know. You never intended it for harm but still. It sucks.

I'm mad at Jason. Do I have a right to be? Does he deserve it? Or should I be more supportive of im? Whose right in this matter? It just that he really does assume everyhting is about him? He always thinks he's in charge when he's not. Give me the wisdom to know what to do in this kind of situation. Show the paths that are right. Lead my footsteps.

Does it bother you when I am random and my mindis on thing then, out of no where it is on another. You made me the way I am, and I know that is kind of a cop out but still. I try to stay focused on you but its hard to in this world. There are so many things to distract my attention away. I'm really worried about that in college. There are going to be so many new things to try and new people to meet...how am I going to keep my eye on you. Help me to surround myself with good people. People like BEn and his friends. ALso help me not to do anyting stupid.

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 03:00:54 GMT

I hate my body. And for awhile it was okay. The only people I was around where hte people I grew up with. They knew me and it didn't matter what I looked like. But I'm headed off to college and there's this whole group of guys waitng to meet me. I'm afraid they are going to have this image of me and I won't live up to it. SO today it changes. Today something new is going to happen. God, give me the willpower to do what I must. To control my urges to eat and when I eat. Give me the desire to go out and excercise. Help me be the person I wnat to be on the outside for it will help me like myself on the inside more.

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 03:01:38 GMT

Camp was good. Great even. Like I wrote on my testimony sheet, nothing major or life changing happened but it was still really good. SO many things that I had been doubting or unsure of were confirmed...not confirmed but they were disproven. Much of my faith was solidified. Questions I planned on asking were answered before I had the oppurtunity to express them. It was awesome to see God moving like that. There are still many worries and concerns I have but I know that at this point there is nothing I can do but trust in God. I have a lot to say but I'm exhausted. I have much to do tomorrow and not a lot of time to do it in but it will be okay. SO good night. GOd I will try to be faithful to you. I want to be faithful to you and you alone. Help me to stay focused on you alone.

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 04:42:43 GMT

I discovered something the other day. something that worries me. I sometimes wish that something terrible and horrible wold happen to me. Like that i would get cancer or something. I guess I just kind of want to see what people really think of me. but that wouldn't really do any good I suppose because everybody would be overly sympathetic. but sometimes i just can't help but wonder what it would be like if i got cancer or if i got in a really bad car accident. or if i died. how would people react. how quickly would they forget about me and move on with their lives. would i have had any impact...on anybody...ever? i want to know. but i don't really want to die. i guess i kind of want a its a wonderful life experience but instead of never being born to see what its like after i'm dead.

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 15:25:19 GMT

2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. Revelation 2:2-5

This is how I feel. Like God is aware of what I have and am doing but that I am doing it for the wrong reasons. I don't know what to do. Or how to go about doing it. I feel like screaming. GOD MAKE ME AWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 20:54:56 GMT

He told us that we had to not only believe but also expect. So that is what I did. As I headed to the altered and kneeled down before you, I expected to hear your voice. But I heard nothing. And I was angry. Furiated. I thought that if anyone deserved to hear what you had to say, it was me. ME. The president of the youth group. The girl that was willing to do anything you said. But all that was heard was a deafening silence. I covered my ears to try and block out the sounds of your revelations to others. To try and make everything else silent. And everything was...including you. And so I was angry. I thought, well if you won't speak to me then I won't speak to you. So I opened my eyes and at once I saw you at work. I saw you in my liitle brother, kneeling and crying before you. Praying with his friends, arms outstretched to try and encompass them all. And I saw you in my best friends next to me. Praying together and encouraging on another. And I saw you in the teens who stood and stretched their arms in your praise. And I was even angrier. I had no right to be angry. I saw your hand at work. But they felt your hand. And they heard the name you had given them. Mighty Warrior, Joshua, Beloved Son, Joy, Agape Valade. SO I cried out to you. For anything, even for the sound of you condemning me. But It never came. And so amidst those who were weeping because of your overwhelming love, I too bgan to weep. Because I remained nameless and you remained silent

A 4th Century Monk

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 00:54:24 GMT

Telemikus (sp?) was a 4th century monk who lived outside of ROme. Monks, in general, are shelterd hermitesque creatures. One day Telemikus heard God telling him to go into Rome. So Telemikus, being the the follower he was, packed all of his things, swung them over a stick and headed into Rome. When he got there, there were crowds of people heading towards the colleseum. He was curious about what was happening so he went with the crowd to the colleseum. At the colleseum they were having one of the famous "Roman spectacles." As the citizens of Rome headed into the colleseum, the stopped on front of Ceasar's throne and said "All hail Caesar. Everything I do, I do for the glory of Caesar." Telemikus was appalled at what was going on. He stood to his feet at yelled "In the name of Jesus, STOP" No one really paid any attention to him, they were focusing on the gladiators and animals in the field. So again he yelled "In the name of Jesus, STOP" HE continued to yell until people began to notice. Telemikus got up at headed down to the field, all the while yelling "In the name of Jesus, STOP" THe gladiators in the field stopped playing and paid attention to Telemikus. Everyone began to laugh at this little backwoods monk. HE went down into the field and yelled again, "In the name of Jesus, STOP." The gladiators decided that they were going to have some fun with this little man. They started pushing him around and messing him up. One gladiatior hit him on the arm with the sword. The crowds were roaring with laughter but Telemikus wouldn't stop. Finally, the players in the field got tired and decided to end it. One of the gladiators took out his sword and ran the little monk through. Telemikus fell to cheers of the crowd. Moments later, the crowd grew silent as the little monk stood and with his final breath whispered, "In the name of Jesus, stop."

This was the last ever recorded Roman spectacle.

Disclaimer: The details might not be correct but the story is true. Look it up in the history books